


Cracking Up

by ShamanicShaymin



Category: Cuphead (Video Game)
Genre: Bad Jokes, Bad Puns, Canon-Typical Smoking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-True Ending, Rat Wraiths Are Werner's Dead Friends, Surprise Kissing, Tsundere Werner Werman
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2019-08-21
Packaged: 2020-09-23 03:30:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20333338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShamanicShaymin/pseuds/ShamanicShaymin
Summary: Werner Werman invites Beppi to come to his house to entertain him and the Rat Wraiths more and more lately. After a mishap involving the cat and one of Beppi's balloons, the war veteran and the clown realize they are MUCH closer than they thought.





	Cracking Up

**Author's Note:**

> So, Carnivalrat (?) isn't a ship you see every day. But I remembered seeing cute fanart of it and wondered how Beppi and Werner would work together, which resulted in this. After sitting on the finished fic for a while, it's finally edited and done! I got a million more Cuphead ships I want to write, so hopefully this is a start. :) Werner's also been one of my favorite characters lately and the more I study WW1, the more feels I have for him. ;; I decided to skip writing his accent phonetically (sprinkling occasional German phrases instead) so his dialogue would be easier to read.

“...Hmph. That joke is _not _ funny.” Werner Werman scoffed. The Rat Wraiths beside him, however, howled with laughter. They doubled over midair and their fists pounded the table, tears streaming down their faces and soaking their beards. This was good enough for Beppi, who sat across from the rats alongside his cart of candy and balloons.

“Would you like another cheese joke? I heard this one’s _grate!_” Beppi grinned. Werner sighed, raising his cigar to his lips to take another puff. By all means, he didn’t _ despise _ Beppi. If he was truly an annoyance, the rat wouldn’t have paid him to come visit. His two dead companions couldn’t leave his house and needed company from someone aside from Werner who wasn’t afraid of ghosts. He himself could use a distraction anyway, especially from everything that happened with the cups and the casino and well... the whole soul ordeal. Maybe for once, he’ll feel like a normal Inkwell citizen.

The veteran fished in his pocket for a gold coin and gave it to Beppi.

“One yellow balloon cat please,” Werner said.

“Coming right up!” Beppi chirped. The clown reached into his pack and pulled out what he needed. He puffed into his balloon, blowing it up until it looked like a long stick of butter. He twisted it in his hands and faced his audience again. “You know, I just thought of something. Balloons and rats might seem different, but they got one thing in common!”

“What’s that?” One of the Rat Wraiths asked.

“They squeak!”

Werner wheezed and coughed. He pounded his chest to push air back into his lungs—not from laughter, he was certain, but from inhaling smoke too fast. Of course, the clown couldn’t make him laugh. His juvenile sense of humor would never crack him up! The rat cleared his throat in smug satisfaction of this belief, then flicked the edge off his cigar.

“Are you all right? Would you like some water?” Beppi asked.

“What? Oh no, I’m fine!” Werman sat up straight, patting his chest. “I’m so tough, it’s going to take more than that to take this body down!”

“Hey Worm, the clown asked if you were okay, not check you out and guess how many weights you lift!” One Rat Wraith exclaimed.

“Not that it matters, it might as well be none.” the other said. “Wormmin’s as scrawny and skinny as he always is! And he’ll be that way forever!”

“I _ am _ strong,” Werner grumbled over the cackling of his companions. “And I _ know _ Beppi believes me. Which is more than I can say for you sorry louts!”

Beppi simply beamed and kept working on the balloon. To be fair, he _was _ looking at Werner’s chest, but... the clown wasn’t sure he admired it in the way the veteran intended. He didn’t linger on this though and finished his creation.

“Here you go! One yellow cat!” Beppi cheered.

“_Jasper! Komm hierher!” _Werman called. On his command, his large robotic cat came clambering over just outside the wall of his house. “_Ich habe ein Geschenk für dich!” _In the doorway of the mouse hole, the rat presented the balloon feline for his pet to see. Jasper stared at the item and sniffed it curiously. He batted it with his paw, then his eyes grew wide as it floated down. He made a pounce for it, then jumped as static electricity sparked off his dark fur. This didn’t deter the cat, however, and he batted the balloon again. Satisfied, Werner left Jasper to his own devices.

“Now, where were we?” Werner turned back to the group. “Oh yes! I have a flair for jokes myself. You can say I have quite the talent!”

“Uh oh, here he goes again.” Rat Wraith One sighed.

“Really? Tell me, tell me!” Beppi exclaimed.

“What does an electric engineer say when he meditates?” Werner asked. “He says, ‘OHM!’ Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha...!”

Beppi and the Rat Wraiths stared in silence as the veteran clutched his sides in laughter.

“...I don’t get it.” Beppi said.

“Neither do I.” Rat Wraith One replied.

“I still don’t.” Rat Wraith Two answered solemnly.

“Ha ha ha... that one’s a favorite...!” Werman giggled, wiping a tear from his eye. He cleared his throat again and crossed his arms while grinning with pride. “You just have no taste.”

“No wonder we hired the clown!” Rat Wraith One exclaimed. “He’s an actual professional.”

“Act smart all you want, but Beppi’s jokes are _funny._” Rat Wraith Two added. “We can’t take another Wormjoke!”

“Even I can do better than Wormy!” Rat Wraith One cried. “Here, listen to this. A rat, a mouse, a rabbit, and a hare enter a bar...”

So the three rats and clown exchanged jokes, each of them bringing at least one chuckle (even if it came from the one telling the joke himself) Beppi was in stitches from the Rat Wraiths—Werner had to admit it was nice having a fresh face around after it had been only himself and the Wraiths for years. Even the closest of rats got sick of each other from being together in the same place for too long, after telling the same jokes, the same stories, the same memories... But what was once old and weary became new again when shared with Beppi. For a moment, they were no longer veterans and ghost POWs—just ordinary rats living and laughing the way they should be.

But nothing could ever make them forget. A deafening snap struck from outside, and the Rat Wraiths’ faces flashed in horror before they vanished on the spot. Werner Werman dived beneath his bed, away from the mouse hole as far as possible.

“Werner?” Beppi asked. “What’s going—!?”

“_Shhh!_” Werner refused to speak—he gestured frantically at Beppi. Bemused, the clown had no choice but to join the rat in hiding.

“I don’t—!” Werner cut him off again with a sharper hush. Seeing the urgency in the tense veteran’s eyes, Beppi didn’t dare speak again.

They waited in silence for what was only a minute, yet it felt like ages to Beppi. What happened? Were they in trouble? What—or whom—put Werner on alert?

“Wait here. _Don’t move._” Werner hissed. Slowly, the rat crawled out from under the bed, keeping close to the wall of his house. His nose twitched as he sniffed the air. He pawed across the floor as if anything could be a land mine. He bolted across at the mouse hole, as though being in view of the hole itself meant instant death. Flattening himself to the floor again, Werner repeated the same careful measures as before until he reached his beloved tank, then immediately flipped inside it and rolled out.

The longer Beppi waited, the more he worried, and his imagination teemed with outcomes each more dreadful than the next. Was the Devil coming back? Were their souls not freed after all? It couldn’t be—the Cup Brothers said themselves that they no longer owed any debt! Were they wrong? Were they lying? Was this a trick and they were demons in disguise? Beppi didn’t believe any of this. He didn’t _want _ to believe any of this. But the worst thing he learned in life was the possibility that his fears were real _ was _ real.

The tank finally rolled back inside.

“The coast is clear!” Werner shouted, holding up a piece of shredded yellow rubber. “Jasper has only popped his balloon! I calmed him down and everything is better now. He’s fine! I’m fine! We’re all fine!”

“Yippee! I’m so happy!” Beppi cried, crawling out so he could jump for joy. After a moment, he added, “I’m sorry I can’t make the balloon any tougher. They’re not like balloon people, so they’re much more sensitive and likely to pop!”

“Haha... of course with claws like that, Jasper would pop his balloon,” Werner said, stepping out of his tank. “What was I thinking? I should’ve known better! I caused a great fuss over _nothing!_” The rat opened one of his cabinets, digging out a match and a new cigar. He lit it up and sunk into the edge of his bed.

The Rat Wraiths hadn’t returned.

“It’s not nothing, Werner.” Beppi sat down beside him. “It’s scary when balloons pop! I’ve seen many kids cry when it happens. And the sound...”

“_Ja, _ the sound. A balloon popping is NOT the same as an explosion!” The rat blew out the smoke in a stream, watching it wisp into a cloud. “I don’t understand it... why can’t I change? Why can’t I get used to it? I got used to everything in the war. I had to. I _ must. _ Now the war is over and I can’t get used to it. I can’t get used to the simplest things...”

“...Life is hard.” It was all Beppi could think of to say, really. The clown knew nothing about war or what it was like in the trenches, but nothing he heard had been good. He heard about the _ glory _ of war and what an honor it was to serve your country, but the Great War challenged that. “Shellshock” was a word Beppi heard sometimes. Did Werner have it? Was it why he wouldn’t be allowed to enlist again as long as he lived?

He was worried he had offended Werman. Instead, the rat chuckled—it was the hardest he laughed at anything Beppi said, and it wasn’t even a joke.

“_Ja, ja! _ Life is hard!” Werner agreed. “Ha ha... hahaha...!”

“I didn’t understand what happened earlier. We had to hide and I couldn’t say anything and...” Beppi lowered his head. “I thought the Devil was coming back. I thought he changed his mind and wanted to collect our souls.”

“Oh... _ mein Gott..._” Werner’s eyes widened in realization. “I’m so sorry I put you through that. I didn’t think! I just reminded you of painful memories.”

“That isn’t true! Wernie, I—! Werner!” Beppi cried. “I thought you were protecting me. I thought you saved my life!”

“I...”

“I like that about you! You’ve been through so much, and even when you’re scared, you never stop caring! You stopped to cheer up Jasper. You wanted your friends to know they’re safe, even though they’re ghosts! It’s wonderful they have a friend like you to look after them! And we’d look after you too, Werner! We care about you and want you to know you can _ always _ rely on us.”

The veteran took another long slow puff before turning his head to meet Beppi. “...You really mean that?”

“Of course I do! Why would I lie?”

“Then… there is a favor I’d like to ask of you. It’s a foolish favor. You might think less of me if you hear it.”

“Why would I? If it’s important to you, then it can’t be foolish!” Beppi gave a soft smile. “But I can do foolish things too, you know.”

“...Could you... take my paw and hold it? You only need to do it until I finish my cigar.”

Beppi promptly laid his hand over Werman’s. Slowly, he traced the rat’s knuckles, moving down over his long fingers and small claws. He entwined his fingers with his, and he felt Werner squeeze them in appreciation. At times, the veteran’s grip grew tighter, particularly when taking a heavy smoke. But as the rat exhaled and the air began to smell of tobacco, cashews, and leather, his paw relaxed along with the rest of his body. At last, the cigar got reduced to a small stump, and Werner smushed its remains on a nearby ash tray. He stared at Beppi—his friend, his companion. After a moment’s deliberation, the rat leaned against Beppi, allowing his body to support his weight as he wrapped his arms around him. The clown was more than glad to return the embrace.

“...You’re really warm.” Werner murmured.

“That’s because you got fur!” Beppi giggled. “Werner... I got a secret. But I don’t know if I should tell you! If I do, I could... get into trouble.”

“Surely not as much trouble as selling your soul to the Devil. Beppi, I’ve seen everything in the war. Nothing you tell me could be as bad as that.”

“It’s...” Beppi hesitated. “It’s about you.”

“About me?”

“I... I always liked you, Werner. I don’t know why, I just got a good feeling about you. You never laugh at any of my jokes, yet you’re one of the best audience members I’ve ever had. You always come to my shows and give me money. But you know what? You can come for free and I’d still be happy! I like being with you and your friends. You’re just a lot of fun to talk to! It gives me something to look forward to each day and... and... it’s like my heart floats like one of my balloons when I’m with you. Is this normal, Werner? Is this how it’s supposed to be around friends?”

“Beppi... are you saying you...?”

“You can push me away if it makes you uncomfortable. I-I won’t come back if that’s what you want! The last thing I want to do is hurt you, and that’s why I didn’t say anything! Because... because I love you, so I won’t—!”

The rat interrupted the clown and pushed him on the bed—while squarely on top of him, and his head tilted so his lips crushed against his.

Beppi’s eyes widened, and the taste of lingering tobacco filled his senses. Usually, the clown hated cigars—he preferred lollipops and pipes that blew bubbles—yet in that instant, the sticky bitterness was as sweet and delectable a flavor as any of Baroness von Bon-Bon’s cakes. He closed his eyes, resisting the urge to weep for joy.

“_Mein geliebter Freund..._” Werner whispered. “Did you know how hard it was to keep myself from doing that?”

“By all means, keep doing it!” Beppi breathed. “It gets easier with time.”

So Werner gripped Beppi and kissed him harder. His fur and whiskers tickled the clown’s face and his legs locked around him to keep close. Beppi moaned softly into the rat’s mouth, supporting his partner by wandering his arms over his back to keep him balanced. There was a hunger between them, and it was like finding fresh fruit in an oasis after they had wandered lost in the desert for so long. By the time the men separated, they were so overwhelmed by these new positive feelings that they could only breathlessly hold each other.

“...I’m so glad I invited you here tonight.” Werner finally said.

“Me too, Wernie...” Beppi replied. “May I call you that?”

“_Ja!_” Werner beamed. “Wernie is fine.”

“Then... I love you, Wernie.”

“_Ich liebe dich auch… _ I love you too, Beppi.”

“Would you look at that!” A familiar ghostly voice exclaimed. “Worm’s finally got a lover!”

“Yeah!” Another said. “About time!”

“And outta all people, he likes a clown!”

“Ha ha, of course he would!”

“Who else could it be? Certainly not a lumberjack in lederhosen like he’s always dreaming of!”

Singing filled the air: “_Wormy likes a cloooooown~! Wormy likes a cloooooown~!_”

The irritated veteran growled and shook his fist at the empty ceiling.

“_VERFLUCHE DICH!_” He shouted. “Curse you! You were waiting for a moment like this on purpose!”

Beppi simply smiled as his new boyfriend bickered at his cackling comrades.


End file.
